


Sex God

by writingandchocolatemilk



Series: DenNor Oneshots [2]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Humans, In Which Abel Drops Lube, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-19
Updated: 2015-01-19
Packaged: 2018-03-08 05:27:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3197051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingandchocolatemilk/pseuds/writingandchocolatemilk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No one had ever told Abel this sex stuff would be hard. It seemed easy enough on TV and online, but actually having it was a whole other matter. “Hard” might have been the wrong word—actual sex was easy, but…</p><p>“Oh, fuck,” Abel hissed, the bottle slipping out of his hand. “The cap came off.”</p><p>Lukas looked up, his usual passive expression turning to one of minor annoyance. “The cap did what?”</p><p>Abel dove after the lube, cursing wildly as the lube continued to spill out absolutely everywhere. “The cap came off!”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sex God

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Yescherryboomiero](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yescherryboomiero/gifts).
  * Inspired by [DenNor Sex Headcanons](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/93740) by nyofins. 



> Lukas is Norway, Abel is Denmark.

No one had ever told Abel this sex stuff would be hard. It seemed easy enough on TV and online, but actually having it was a whole other matter. “Hard” might have been the wrong word—actual sex was easy, but…

“Oh, fuck,” Abel hissed, the bottle slipping out of his hand. “The cap came off.”

Lukas looked up, his usual passive expression turning to one of minor annoyance. “The cap did what?”

Abel dove after the lube, cursing wildly as the lube continued to spill out absolutely everywhere. “The cap came off!”

Lukas sat up, “I swear to god, that better not stain my carpet or we’re never having sex again. Oh my god, just pick it up— _pick it up_!” He leaned over himself, attempting to wrestle the bottle out of Abel’s hands. “You’re spilling it,” he said, his calm voice letting Abel know Lukas was furious.

“The cap!” Abel exclaimed in way of explanation.

No, _sex_ wasn’t hard.

Lukas lay on the bed, naked from the waist down. Abel had walked in on this wonderful sight when he had gotten home late from work, and nearly threw his briefcase out the window. Abel unbuttoned his shirt as fast as humanly possible, kicking off his shoes.

By this point, he was almost ready to dive into bed, except for those stupid pants—the tight, formal ones that Abel only wore to meetings. Usually, his pants cooperated and came off, but these pants were no ordinary pants.

These were the pants Abel’s mother had bought him, and they had to be as clingy as she was. Instead of sliding off his ankle, they caught on his heel.

Abel let out a manly shriek and toppled backwards.

It wasn’t as if Abel didn’t know how to be sexy. He had the most sexy, fun ideas. It was more the execution of these ideas that led to disaster.

Saturdays were the best. Late morning, late breakfasts, and usually, late morning sex. Abel had missed his chance, because Lukas was already in the shower, having left Abel to recover from the previous night. Abel was disappointed for all of two seconds—

 _Shower sex_.

 Abel stripped, managing not to topple over this time, and slid into the shower like a snake. Lukas, while muttering something about snoozing and losing, was all too quickly pressed up against the cold tile. Abel was busy on his knees, Lukas’ legs resting on his shoulders.

And then, like in slow motion, they tipped over and fell out of the shower.

Lukas, icing his bruises, later explained that he had been holding onto the shower curtain rod and bore down on it with a little too much force.

Don’t get Abel wrong, sex was _fun_. And god, Lukas made it so awesome.

Lukas was on top, something he rarely did. Every time Abel tried to sit up and kiss him, Lukas would push him back down, focusing on what he was doing. Just when Abel was nearly there, Lukas suddenly fell awkwardly off of him and to the side.

“Lukas?” Abel panted, looking over. “Are you okay?”

“Shut up,” Lukas muttered, stretching his right leg and clenching his jaw.

It took a moment for Abel to realize what had happened. He blew air out of his lips, the sound turning into laughter. “I told you we should stretch before we do stuff! Look, now you have a cramp—“

“I will end you,” Lukas said, even softer than before. He pulled Abel on top of him and they resumed.

As Lukas clawed at Abel’s back, his breathing ragged, Abel kissed his neck, moaning his name.

And then there was a loud thump.

“Fuck,” Lukas half yelled, pushing off Abel and rubbing the back of his head furiously.

Abel let out the same laugh as before, collapsing next to Lukas.

“You’re terrible at sex,” Lukas griped, shooting Abel an annoyed look.

Abel disagreed. He wasn’t terrible at _sex_ , just… At all the other parts.


End file.
